Not knowing what you're doing is OK

Thinking about my future, I've been frustrated by the fact that I don't know how to live yet. I don't know where I'm going, and I definitely can't seem to do a good job of getting there. I often feel as if I should know all the answers...and that it's bad if I don't.

This vision was Jesus' response:

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There is a huge chasm. It’s deep and wide, and very dark. It seems to go down forever. High above, there is a slender bridge formed of stepping stones that seem to just float in the air, stretching their precarious way across the gaping crevasse. A figure crouches on one of the stones—me.

The picture zooms in, now I’m looking at my feet. I see the stone I’m standing on start to crumble beneath me. Little bits of rock break off and disappear into the oblivion below me.

I’m agitated, frustrated—even angry. I hear myself mutter, “WHY can’t I do this right? ARGH!” I’m angry at myself for not knowing how to do this, for taking missteps, for being so slow at crossing this bridge. My eyes seem glued to my feet, watching them scrabble around on the rock below me, like blind mice trying to find their way home.

Then a hand appears in front of me. I look up, and there on the next stepping stone stands Jesus. He’s not really standing, though—he seems to be floating just above the rocks. Even then, it’s hard to look at his feet, because his face is so captivating. He holds out both hands towards me. I glance behind him and catch my breath—on the other side of the chasm lies a breathtaking field of colorful wildflowers and butterflies, sparkling in the sunlight and seeming to go on endlessly in all directions. It looks like a scene from heaven come to earth. To say that I want to go there is...an understatement.

Jesus speaks: “Let me lead you.” I put both my hands into his, and suddenly we’re moving. We’re practically flying towards the meadow, with the stepping stones whizzing by beneath us. Jesus stays facing me, holding my gaze. He’s smiling, and seeing him before me fills me with an incredible sense of peace. I know that as long as I look at his face and hold his hands tightly, we’ll get where we’re going.

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No, he didn't answer my questions about the future, or about how to manage my time and money in the present. But He DID show me exactly how I need to live this day.

The moment I look down again and start focusing on what a bad job I’m doing at this whole bridge-crossing business, I grind to a halt and get consumed by my fear and shame. But as long as I let my hands rest in his and keep my gaze fixed on him, Jesus will safely bring me to the other side...regardless of whether or not I know what I'm doing.